Pyxidis.fr, faites parler vos passions !

hey guys i have been writing a story and i wanted to post it to see what you gals think! please give me honest opinions and if you are insulted by things that have nothing to do with Will, you prolly shouldnt read this.

A Quest for Immortality

Chapter 1
The Marketplace

Little Endeuel climbed into her father's blue velvet bed and pressed her elven ears against his chest.
"Father, wake up. I have something to tell you." Shelumiel's eyes opened halfway slowly and shut again. "Father, I said wake up. I have something to tell you."
"What is it Endeuel?" he said as he rolled over to meet her shining blue eyes.
"Breakfast is ready."
"Thank you, Endeuel," said Shelumiel as he half opened his eyes once more and exhaled a long breath. He rose out of bed and turned the rounded corner to see Malhoren standing by the fireplace with an bronze pan over the heat. She picked up the pan with a thick cotton cloth folded into eighths.
"Good morning. I have cooked you your favorite to satisfy your stomach until the feast in town," said Malhoren.
"We are going to town today?" inquired Shelumiel sleepily.
"Of course, don't you remember? The markets are being set up today."
"Oh, yes, I do remember now," he said as he took a small stone plate from his wife and kissed her on the cheek covered by her raven-black hair. "Thank you, Malhoren."
As soon as the House of Shelumiel finished its breakfast, the family set out to purchase items from the new markets.
Endeuel's voice broke the monotony as they walked on the grassy roads. "Father, why...."
But she was not allowed to finish her inquiry, and neither did she want to. Endeuel shrieked as she heard the creatures dark voices, wicked with the fire of dragons. The beasts were all the size and terror of flying horses, yet more. Endeuel ducked behind a barrel of fresh wine and listened to her heart pumping drops of terrified blood. Others fled to houses and strongholds, but some could not find shelter and were entangled by the crowd. Endeuel shielded her eyes from the wretched site of many men, women, elves and animals being tortured and mutated by the half men, half dragon beasts. She could barely hear her rapid thoughts, but she listened intently for the sound of her father's or mother's voice. She strained to catch a voice and succeeded, but the voice was not saying what she could understand. It was that of Endeuel's mother saying in her loud and high voice:
"Eastern Abyss, Endeuel! Eastern Abyss and the Jewel of Hwuil!"
These words were not familiar in any way, nor had she ever heard them before. She wondered had she heard them right. And if she had, what was she to do with them?
"Come with me!" she heard as she felt a tight grip of a small but fierce hand around her arm.
"Wait! Where are you taking me? Who are you?"
No answer of words was given, just a look saying 'Trust me'. Immediately she knew he must be trusted, even if the trust lead to death.
Endeuel found out soon enough where the mysterious boy had intended to take her. The path they were on lead into the Wood of the One Fountain. She had heard this place in stories-listened to the path described, and the rare flowers told by her mother's uncle-but was never sure if it was real.
"You will be proteced here until the Wingorii have fled." said the boy.
"Wingorii? What are they? Or what is that?"
"You know nothing. Let it remain this way for the immortal life you have... or do not have."
"What do you mean 'or do not have'?"
"You ask many questions. Ask no more until we are safe and alone."
"Well can I at least ask what I can call you?" asked Endeuel, trying the boy's patience.
"Call me Zendl, but call me no name in the streets, for I am common among Men and not for well reason."
The two young elves sat in the shade of the Wood for many hours, until nightfall.
"Come, Endeuel, make no noise," said Zendl as he strung his bow and lent an arrow to the string. He walked slowly, and Endeuel thought he looked strangly like a slow parakeet. As they cantered along, Endeuel started to notice things about Zendl she had not had time nor the sense to see before. He had a forest green hood on, a cloak of the same color, a bow carved from some tree Endeuel did not know. She also noticed that even through her studies of the arrows of particular countries and domains, she could not identify this young elf's nationality. She began to wonder where they were going, why they were going there, when would they arrive, and are they going to walk the whole way, when she started to recognize the lanes. They were on the way to Endeuel's home!
"My house! My house!" she screamed, and not shortly after, felt a stinging slap over her mouth.
"I said, make no noise," said Zendl in a loud whisper, the words of rage streaming through his teeth and worry showing in his deep brown eyes, "The Wingorii can be anywhere."
Endeuel, eyes as big as her fear, stepped closer to Zendl and gripped his hand. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again, I promise."

Zendl sounds soo freakin cute by just what i can picture...

Endeuel sounds so adorable- like a curious child

i was hey the one part sounded like mine- but i was glad u branched off of it and made it ur own- good job!!

bravo! *bows elaboratly*

update NOW missy!! u comprende?!

what one part? sorry if i sound like i copied you, but i seriously didnt mean to! and thanks for your bow. lol. *bows back to will4ever with a sigh of relief on face* PHEW! and yeah i have the second chapter almost written out and then i have to revise so ill have it up soon!


and i imagine Zendl as Link in the video game Zelda!
Edité par iheartwill le 14/05/2006 à 03:48

the ambush-- but its ok... im used to it now.
^^ but it didnt really...n/m about it...we cool

*bows back and dances with a huge grin on my face*

well i cant wait...really intense chappie
Edité par will4ever le 14/05/2006 à 03:53

thanks! but seriously. is that an honest opinion?

well now that i think about it...its fine...forget it!
ur my friend and we tight!

WILL4EVER YOU ARE DRIVING ME UPTHEWALL! tell it now, sister or i break you

tell what now??
im so confuzzled an tired

tell whether you likes it or does not likes it. for real, hun whats wrong with it?

NOTHING IS WRONG WITH IT!!!
I LUV IT
ITS SPECTACULAR!!
LIKE I SAID:: Zendl sounds really hot just by ur description!!
i cant wait for more

okay, phew. got that over with. and you shouldnt be saying that about Zendl. he's only a little boy. but dont worry, he gets older

Thats cool keep going!

i dont care- plz make him older then
plz? *puppy eyes*
fine- he sounds cute for a little boy

iheartwill ur story is great!

i LOVE it! keep it up sista!

soul sista go sista!!

thanks you guys. I have chapter two but dont make fun of it cuz it's not totally revised yet. here it is.....


Chapter 2
The Coming and Going

Zendl gave a look of slight doubt as he tried to believe Endeuel. They immmediately came upon Endeuel's front gate which had once been guarded by four dwarves and three men, but now was guarded by nothing but the gate itself. As they stepped up the seventh and last step, Endeuel realized they could not enter without the key to the stone portal. She searched her mind for where Mother and Father would have placed the key, but could not think clearly, for pain from the thought of her parents swept over her. Zendl saw this and comforted the little elf. She regained clear thought and the two began looking with sharp elven eyes although Endeuel's eyesight was not as effective as most elves'. Zendl's eyes scanned the threshold and a gleam of light caught his eye. He turned to Endeuel and questioned her whether the key was the key of her Father's gate.
"It is the key, but I remember my father telling me the key was not used in a usual fashion."
Zendl had guessed this because the key had no ridges, it was just the form of a steel twig bearing a rusted circle at the back end. "Endeuel, do you know how this key is meant to be used?"
Endeuel peered into Zendl's eyes and shook her head slowly. Zendl's shoulders sank with his spirits.
"How are we to enter the gates, Zendl?" No answer. "Zendl?"
"I am thinking, Endeuel. Please do not talk." What he was thinking about was his father's great-grandfather's stories of the locksmiths of ancient elves and the many ways the keys were made and used. He recalled few of the methods, but these few were sufficient for he soon found the one way this key was made to be used. He inserted the key, forced it in farther than usual and turned the knob on the gate.
"It worked," said Zendl with a great sigh of relief. He pushed the entrance open with difficulty, for he was just a boy, and entered hand in hand with Endeuel.
As the two children stepped onto the well cared-for heather patches, grass, and lilies in Shelumiel's front gardens, they heard subtle noises and every now and then a sniff and gasp. They stepped up another seven steps to the entrance of the house. Zendl motioned to Endeuel to help him move the marble doors on their hinges. A shuffle. Footsteps. What sounded like a bowstring pulled back.
"Be very silent, elf." The insecure Endeuel closed her lips tight and shut her eyes even tighter.
"Endeuel! You are safe!" Shelumiel ran between the two pillars in front of the young elves and embraced Endeuel in strong arms. Endeuel reopened her eyes and mouth but no sound came out, for lying beneath and to the right were many rags and cloths stained red.
"Thanks be to the son of Mendl for his safekeeping of a precious item. Your service shall be rewarded greatly."
"My service is but the return of a favor my father once owed you. But I must depart in good time, for the horns of my ancestors are calling. My quest is not finished, for I receive new knowledge of past elven teachings. I may return, but for the time present amongst us, I ask only for one night's provisions."
"This is the smallest request of a humble servant. It is granted."
Endeuel was listening to Zendl and Father speak and pondered why she had not been blessed with the graceful tongues of elven folk. She dismissed the question and turned her attention to her father's shoulder. A bandage of cotton, weed, and an adhesive covered a rather large crimson blot.
"Father, why is a bandage around your shoulder?"
"You need not know, dear one," answered Shelumiel. "You ask exceeding questions to which sometimes I have no answer." He turned to Zendl sitting in the closest corner and informed him where he might rest his head for the night. Zendl thanked Endeuel's father and jogged up the staircase skipping a step now and then. Shelumiel turned to Endeuel and kissed her on the forehead.
"Dear elf, you must sleep. Dream of wonderful things, and let the things of today be shut out of your mind."
"Yes, Father. Sweet dreams." She almost asked when Mother would be down to kiss her goodnight. At this sorrowful thought she wept and cried herself to sleep.
When Endeuel awoke with dry tears sticking to her face, she found her father still asleep and no breakfast. She rose from bed, shook her hands to awaken circulation, and walked to the eastern wing to where she could prepare breakfast for her hungry stomach and hungry father. She opened a small jug but found not a very large amount of flour, and likely not enough for a loaf. She did not despair, but yet found another leather jug of bread already made. She sampled the smell and decided it must be last week's bread her mother had made. It was still fresh, unperishable ingredients had been added. One ingredient had been added to make the loaf very filling-only one bite had to be eaten to fill a grown man's stomach.
She tip-toed to the bed of heather that her father had lain to rest for the night and bent down to the level of his head.
"Father, wake up. We must eat." Shelumiel opened his eyes and jumped out of bed.
"You are right, little elf. Please awaken Zendl from his dreams."
"Yes, Father." When Endeuel appeared in Zendl's temporary room, she gasped. In one corner, a small bed of heather lay looking neat, but not untouched. In the other corner, a goat-hide bag filled with provisions of bread and small jugs of what appeared to be water leaned against the wall. Endeuel walked slowly to the bag. It bore a neatly folded papyrus paper addressed to 'Lord Shelumiel and Household'. She placed her finger in the crease and unfolded the browned letter sealed with an unrecognizable seal:

To the Lord of the House of Shelumiel and his Small Company Endeuel,

I humbly give thanks to you, Master, for the food and shelter of the night.
I do regret that I depart prior to the sun's rising, for the horns of my fathers
grow increasingly demanding. I give as my return gift for your hospitality
a bag of bread and clear wine, for it is the largest gift I can amount to in
the present. Once again I thank you, Lord Shelumiel, and may life prosper
you. Bid my fare well to Endeuel.
Your Humble Servant and Friend,
Zendl, Son of Mendl
Heir to the Throne of Ismar

Endeuel turned and widened her eyes as she felt a hand on her shoulder.
"Endeuel, please hand me the letter." She looked back down at the letter and placed it in her father's right hand. Shelumiel shifted the letter into his left and opened it with the opposite. Endeuel sat on the marble floor and watched Shelumiel's face alternate expressions.
"Well, small one, we shall have to do without him." Endeuel turned on her heel and walked gloomily down the stairs, all the while pondering in her mind about the letter. She remembered Zendl telling her the previous day that he was not common among men for well reason. Her father seemed to know him, or at least know his face, so she wondered if he might know enough to tell her.

Thats fine. a little fine tuning and that wud be amazing!!!

WoW!!
no need to fix ANYTHING!!

i hope her father tells her a little bit about Zendl!

UPDATE SOON SISTA!

actually the whole next chapter is titled Zendl's story, so you'll getta know!

and narnia maniac can you be a little more specific on what i need to tune up? thanx
Edité par iheartwill le 16/05/2006 à 04:03