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here's a story im writing,please be honest about it.its sorta intense,but awesome

Double Trouble Boil 'N Bubble

Chapter 1:Life As A Fairy Tale Turned Nightmare

I was walking home from school on a sunny afternoon,the wind in my hair and the leaves falling from the trees in the middle of September.I was coming near my neighborhood,happy to go home and finish my work when someone bumped into me.

It was my crush Ian.He and I had known each other since kindergarten,and have been friends ever since.He had dark brown hair and beautiful green eyes.

He looked up at me."McKenzie!I'm really sorry,let me help you," he said,picking up my books.I replied,"Ian,come on.You know you can call me Kenzie.It's fine,don't worry."

He blushed a bit and helped me up."Are you ok?" he said."Yea,I'm fine.Really,Ian,it's ok.I'm fine."I said,picking up my backpack."You know I can take care of myself,but it's been a habit with you always worrying about me ever since kindergarten."

He blushed a little,rubbing his head."I better get going anyway,my mom needs me.Talk to you later,ok?Bye!" he said,walking back to his house.I waved and walked off.

I finally got home in time for dinner.I opened the door and dropped my backpack on the chair."I'm home!Anyone here?" I said,walking into the kitchen.There was my older sister Lizzie.

"Hey,Kenzie.Mom and dad aren't here,they went out for dinner with some friends.They dropped Marco at the babysitter's for the night,he's going to sleep over there." Marco is our 3 year old brother.He can be a handful,but alot of fun."I'm making your favorite,chicken parmesan!" Lizzie said.

"Ooh,yum!" I said."Well,I gotta go finish my spanish and history homework.Tell me when dinner's ready,okay?" I said."Sure thing.Oh and by the way,you're friend Danielle called,she wanted to know if movies next saturday was good?" Lizzie said.I said,"Sure thing.If she calls again,tell her I'll call her tomorrow,ok?"

"Ok,sure thing!" Lizzie called up the stairs.I went into my room and closed the door behind me.I got my books and started studying.After I studied,I fell asleep on my books.A while later,Lizzie called me down for dinner.

"Kenzie!" she called up the stairs."Kenzie,come on!Dinner's ready!" There was no answer.She went up to my room and opened my door."Kenzie!!" She finally woke me up."Dinner's ready,come on." I said,"Ok,be down in a minute."

So Lizzie was halfway down the stairs,when the ground shook.I screamed out,"Earthquake!!" She ran downstairs to the basement fast and grabbed the emergency food and supplies.Outside the windows came fire when Lizzie looked out there.Her eyes widened.

She ran up to me as fast as she could."Kenzie!!The outside is on fire!" I got wide-eyed and quickly got my emergency clothes and stuff.We ran downstairs and when we reached the living room,a dark spirit was there from my dream the night before.I knew exactly what to do.

"Lizzie,get out of here!Now!" I yelled.Lizzie was about to burst out crying,but she left the house.The spirit's name was Juyomba,spirit of the darkness.I had ice powers in my hands.I didn't let anyone else see them outside of the house.Only my family knew.

I said,"What do you want,Juyomba?!" She said,"What do I want?You,my child!You are the Ice Fairy of light,my one true enemy!" When I heard that,I got into Fairy form.I had a light blue fairy star-shaped skirt with crystals on the hem,and a light blue long sleeve blouse with flared cuffs.And then an ice crown shaped as a star,sitting atop my head.

"Juyomba,this is your end!" I said.I was ready for battle,so was Juyomba.I threw ice crystal balls at her head and knocked her out.But then she threw fire missiles at me,but missed.Finally,she aimed flaming dart launchers at me and got a critical hit.

The house blew into pieces,so did the neighborhood.I was flying backwards,with my clothes burned and torn and black with my hands covering my face,blood dripping down my cheek.I was in a time portal,peacefully asleep and passing through time on its own.

oooh smooth write mor write mor! im intrigued! :-i

the beginning sounds like it was 'borrowed'from my story; which is ok BUT u should always give credit to the source

wow cool with the ice fairy thing....very exciting!

update soon my partner in crime (my other one) Edité par will4ever le 11/05/2006 à 21:22
Edité par will4ever le 11/05/2006 à 21:22

thanks.sorry,i just couldnt think of anything else for the beginning.here's the second chapter:

Chapter 2:A world without existence

I was floating peacefully through the portal,but suddenly a glow formed around me.I awakened with a shriek ringing in my ear.It was the call of danger.I covered my ears and shouted,"Stop it!Stop hurting them!" and I teleported to the location.

It was Juyomba.He was planning another attack on Malfobia,my home Fairy planet.I was exhausted from fighting himm before,but when I saw my home Fairy planet,my heart crumbled.

All the stores in the market were either burned to pieces,collapsing,or about to be destroyed.I went to the woods and found everyone running in different directions.Then I saw Juyomba,aiming fire balls at everything in her path.I was full of anger.

My uniform became restored at the sense of my anger.So I called out,"Juyomba!This is your finaly warning!Leave now,or you shall die here,like all of these people who have and are!"

I puled out my ice sword and shield,ready for battle."All these things you are doing,all these people you are destroying,it is not right!Prepare,and vanish!" I said.

I flew over the crowds of people and blew out all of the fires with my ice wind breath.The trees were burning down as Juyomba was getting closer and closer to me.Finally,we were in the battle range.

Juyomba had an evil grin on her face,I was ready for her to leave the galaxy once and for all."Juyomba...Take this!" I said,and threw a massive ice wad at her,and cut her lip.Blood ran down her mouth,but she knew just what to do.

"You think," she said,"little child,that you can defeat me?" She laughed evily at my attempt."You are but a mere,defenseless being,nothing at all!" I then got angrier,and struck my sword into her stomach,and pulled it out.

"You,Juyomba,are nothing but a traitor to your own kind!You killed your people,but I will not let you kill mine!" I said.She smirked,I grew even more tense with anger."This is your last warning!Leave now,or I shall slay you here,and for good!" I said.

She pulled out her fire bombs.My eyes grew wide,I souted out to all the fairies,"Run!Fly away!Hurry,and take your children and families wiht you!" I turned to Jyomba. "For this might get messy!"

Cool names!!!

yeh quick up date soon! it's real good
p.s i hope u didnt take it to affense that will4ever called me her partner in crime!

U can have to pics it natural

that is awesome! plz update soon! this is so intense and interesting! great job!

thanks you guys!here's another update in the story:

Chapter 3:Love and loss

The people started flying and running away into the high treetops,taking their families with them.The field of houses was quiet,peaceful,until uyomba let out a screech,hurling through the wind and the trees.

I covered my ears,trying to stop the searing pain from sinking in.The screech was too unbearable.I couldn't control my flying and fell to my knees.I was under control of the dark spirit call.It summoned me to kill my own people.

"No!" I shouted."No!Stop this,right now!" I screamed and started going after my own people.I couldn't believe what I was doing.I shouted out,"I'm sorry!Someone stop me,help!"

But no one could.I was too quick to kill for them to stop me.They all screamed and ran,they couldn't believe their own kind would turn on them.It was no use,I was completely controlled by the dark spirit call.It was the end for me.

By this time,all of my people's lives had been wasted because of me.I am an ungrateful leader,a traitor to my own kind.I do not want Juyomba to continue her torture.

This is the worst,most difficult situation I have ever been in.I wish I could stop Juyomba once and for all.This is unbelievable that she would ever go this far.

The pain I was bringing my own people was horrible.I froze them,cut them,hit them and killed them.This all,is not meant to be happening.I was born to stop this reason,but it turned back onto me.Juyomba will pay,no matter what the cost...

Except for Ian,my love.I do not want him harmed,he is my friend,my one and only.He is the person who has made me who I am today.If only I had the courage to tell him that.

Aww its so sad sniff sniff and i really mean that!

thanks.i'm gonna update it later.i put 2 updates yesterday lol

Where? i cant see!

i put them up earlier.i didnt post right away

Where? where?

wow,im not in the mood right now to deal with this lol

kk here's chapter 4 this is when her father comes into the story

Chapter Four:A Sad Reunion

I was almost done killing my people,when Juyomba finally let down the dark spirit call.I gasped,and fell to the ground.I was unconscious for a moment,but woke up.I started coughing because of all the smoke.

Juyomba was glad with herself because she used me against my own.I was so angry,words could not describe how I felt.I growled in harsh anger,forcing myself up off the ground and started flying towards her.I was just about to finish her off,when she struck her sword in my throat!

I gasped,my windpipes were closing quickly.I felt blood rush into my mouth,while my life flashed before my eyes.She pulled it out,and I toppled to the ground.It was the end for me.

Back on earth in my neighborhood,the ambulances were putting killed people in body bags,and the barely-alive ones in ambulances and shelters.The police came to search the place.When my parents arrived home,they ran out of the car to the officers.

My mother,Beatrice is a lawyer.She works for the courthouse a few miles away from downtown.My father,Daniel is a pediatrician.He also works on adults,too,but mostly children.My mom screamed when she saw my sister Lizzie on the sidewalk,looking dead.

She slowly touched my sister's cheek,while a tear ran down her's.She burt out crying,but started worrying about where I was.My dad was checking on a few people to make sure they were alright,but then a ringing came into his ear.He knew I was in trouble,and that Juyomba caused it.

He told my mom he would be back in a few days,and she knew it was me he was looking for.So he went into the car and a flash changed him into his Earth Fairy uniform.It was all kinds of greens and browns.He has a leaf crown on the top of his head,with a gold diamond right in the center.

He started driving off into the abandoned part of town.Once he was there,he got out and flew off to find me.He knew I was on my home Fairy planet,so he rushed off.Once he saw Juyomba,he knew I had to be close.He flew down to the ground and smacked her as hard as he could.

"What have you done with my daughter?!" he said.Juyomba turned around,and an evil grin slid across her face. "Your daughter has given up,did you not know?She has given her life and her people to me.I am the ruler of this world now." She laughed evily,and my father's jaw dropped.He walked up to her and pushed her to the ground.

"Where is my daughter,Juyomba?!" She smirked and said,"See for yourself." and pointed her head to her left,where I was lying on the ground,dead.He let her down and flew over to me."McKenzie..." he said,under his breath.He picked me up in his arms and held me in his arms.

He felt something warm on his chest.He lifted me up a bit and saw blood on his chest,coming out of my neck.He almost screamed.He flew away with me to the treetops where the other fairies were.He laid me down on a giant,steady leaf and took a look at me.He felt horrible that he hadn't come sooner.

Soz did i scare u with my pleas for assistance?

huyh???????

yeh (i agree with u ashlee) huh? wht u on about

what do you mean what am i on about?