Pyxidis.fr, faites parler vos passions !

okay here it is!


Prologue:

The air surrounding the dormant creature reeked of evil. Eternal darkness oppressed the once powerful Man. He was in the Underworld.

Tall, thin rocks with pointed edges shot through the ground, forming something of a prison. A weak trickle of a river flowed closeby, causing the ground beside him to be soft. A pale fog settled over the demonic place, making sight impossible. The intimidating darkness awakened panic in the man's chest.

The Man vaguely hears a voice. His foggy head begins to clear and He is able once again to stand. Now the Man hears the Voice clearly, he understands what it is saying.

" Nagas."

This was not the Man's name, but He knew the Voice called to Him.

"Why do you call me this?" The Man said, turning in circles, not knowing which way to face.

"Do not question me, only listen. You are Nagas. You are under my control. You will rise to power in the world of Salathiel."

The Man felt the Voice looking upon Him, felt His thoughts become jumbled.

"I am Therus of Melnara! Again, I repeat, why do you call me this?" Therus said in the tone that He had once used to speak to Hid servants.

"Silent!" The Voice said with such forcefulness that Therus fell to His knees, panting hard, unwillingly succumbing to this unseen sorcerer. It was then that the Voice appeared.

Amras was His name. He was withered, as if He had lived forever. He wore a black cape, torn from many battles. The hood of the cape rested lightly on His head, and from there it dropped to just below His ankles. He made no noise when He walked. His nails were long and yellowed, cracked to the root. His mouth did not move when He spoke to Therus.

"Rise," the Voice said.

Nagas felt Himself being lifted by some invisible force. When He stood He was only to the shoulders of Amras, though He was standing to Hid full hieght. Amras only looked at Nagas, standing perfectly erect and still. He allowed a long pause, as if allowing Nagas to think.

"What is your name?" Therus did not answer.

Nagas slowly raised His head to look into Amras' eyes. Confidence and malice showed in the vehement eyes of the Man.

"Why do you ask me this? Do you not know the One who is to rule Salathiel?" The Man lifted His chin in certainty. "I am Nagas."



Okay there you have it... i would appreciate critisism, because it needs a lot of it. If you could tell me something that you think i could do betetr that would be appreciated. I am thinkig of spresading out the description of Amaras a little.

anyways, there it is. Oh yeah, and i will make it more evil later.

its interesting

i like it lots, Ash!

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the word "nagas" makes me think of the word "niggas" you know,what they used to call black people.its funny lol like rox said....

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its good

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ok here's some advice and remember i'm just giving my opinion!


like i couldn't tell sometimes who was talking! like someone would say something and then the other one would do something and you would put it right together and it looked like the same person was talking and doing something!

ok yeah that probably wasn't clear so if you have questions just ask me if you want!

besides that, it's great!

total sweetness girlie!!!! i know that i say that about everything on here, but i reallly mean it!!!!!

hey!!
no copy!


JK=JK=JK u chikas are hecka funny...

lol look at my icon. "im a mouse,duhhh ♥" lol
Edité par william_693 le 09/06/2006 à 01:27

hehe it's funny!!
haha
haha
haha
LOL
jk

...but seriously it is funny!

lol u crack me up

aww.... thanx.....
♥
so wat is up!

WOW....THAT WAS AWESOME!!! IT IS SOO ORIGINAL AND COOL!

just some critisism:: try to say who is talking and then it was confusing between Nagas and Therus.
also no offense but the ending was confusing in the sense tht Therus fist denied the name given to him by the Voice- but in the end, he succumbed to it...so idk

but other than tht--- super excelelnte!
i know u have been working hard on this and it payed!

cant wait for more so update soon!

yeah Ash is very talented @ telling stories!
and u too Will4ever!

she's like my best bud here!

yeah what u guys are saying is what i said. i was like, ashlee, who's talking here, and who's talking here? it was confusing. lol. but i get it now.

i was trying to say what wil4ever said but it didn't come out right!

so if you want to know my critisizm read what w4e said!

but it is excelent besides that!

yeah it really is. i woulda never thought how to prologue that story

have you read the whole thing?

no but i know how it goes because of her story line that she wrote out

I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR MORE!